The Burning Cap Table: When Co-Founders Are the Firestarters

Startups don’t just fail because of bad markets or bad timing. They fail because of bad leadership.

The people at the top set the tone for everything. Culture, decision-making, communication, and ultimately, whether the company survives the hard stuff. When that foundation is weak, it doesn’t matter how great the product is. Things start breaking from the inside.

I’ve seen it happen. More than once. As VP of Product at two successful SF startups, I somehow ended up in the middle of co-founder conflicts that had nothing to do with product and everything to do with two people who couldn’t work through their own dysfunction. My job title didn’t say VP of People, but that’s what I became. Mediator, therapist, crisis negotiator.

When Founders Can’t Lead, Everything Else Suffers

Startups are chaotic. There will be setbacks, bad months, tough calls, and moments where the company’s future feels uncertain. When that happens, everyone looks to leadership. If the co-founders are avoiding tough conversations, playing politics, or undermining each other, the whole team feels it.

I’ve watched founders vent to employees about each other, trying to create alliances instead of solving the problem. I’ve seen leadership teams so divided that departments start choosing sides, unsure whose vision to follow. I’ve been in the room when years of tension finally explode, and suddenly, it’s clear why the company feels stuck.

They always think they’re hiding it.

They’re not.

People notice when leadership is misaligned. It shows up in vague, conflicting direction. In backchanneling and decision fatigue. In employees feeling like they’re building two different companies under the same name. Eventually, in people leaving. Not because they don’t believe in the product, but because they don’t believe in the people running it.

You Can’t Perk Your Way Out of a Broken Culture

A lot of founders try to smooth over dysfunction with surface-level culture plays. Team offsites, happy hours, free lunches.

It doesn’t work.

No one cares about catered meals if leadership can’t make a decision. No one is staying at a company where the founders spend more time arguing than building. You can’t culture your way out of a leadership problem. You either fix it or you watch it eat away at the company until there’s nothing left.

My Biggest Lesson: I’m Not a Mediator Anymore

I learned this the hard way. I spent years stepping in, trying to patch things up between founders who refused to do the real work themselves. I thought I was helping. I wasn’t.

Now, as a solo founder, I run my own company with a team I trust. Would I take on a co-founder? Maybe. But I wouldn’t force it. Too many startups rush into co-founder relationships just to check a box. Whether it’s for YC, fundraising optics, or just because they think they need one.

It’s like getting married after two coffee meetings. Everything seems fine until you’re making high-stakes decisions under pressure and suddenly realize you don’t actually know how to work through conflict together. And now the company is on the line.

If You’re Founding a Startup, Do the Work Upfront

If you’re building a company with someone, take the relationship seriously. Figure out how you handle disagreements. How you make decisions. How you communicate when things aren’t going well. Those moments will come, and if you haven’t put in the work upfront, you’re setting yourself up for failure.

It won’t be the market, the product, or the competition that kills your company. It will be you.

~ Anonymous Founder ~